Before recovery, life used to just happen to me. Looking back, personally, I had no hope. I could only see the problems, fears, losses, and anger right in front of me. I could not see the colors of the mountains or the trees or see the light from the sun, it was just darkness all around me. Sitting in a room full of people feeling isolated and lonely.
The other day while sitting at an intersection, I saw a man holding a sign, sitting on a bucket. The sad part is that I didn’t think about the man obviously struggling through a difficult time in his life. I thought about the bucket.
A couple of weeks ago I got to be on the radio again on one of my dear friend’s afternoon programs. It was different than what I was used to. I didn’t have to push any buttons, turn the microphone on or off, or worry about starting and stopping commercial breaks. There was someone behind the scenes taking care of all of that.
Today, I went to the horse races for the first time in probably 30 years. Growing up I lived in Maryland and we were raised to live for the Preakness, the second stop in the triple crown of racing. We went to races throughout the year, in the summer, at any track, as a child I don’t remember much, but I remember riding horses and that was about it.
I think in pictures. That is why photography, whether I am good at it or not, is important to me. It reminds me of what I saw and how I felt at any given moment. Many times I take a picture so that I won’t forget what inspired me earlier, yesterday, or 5 years ago. Today, while walking around what is normally the lush green courtyard at our church, I thought about the important lesson it represented to me. Today, the courtyard smelled.
This is really difficult to write. I hate how hard honesty is and its instant effects or defects for that matter. While at the grocery store the other night I bought a steak from the deli. There was a new guy working the counter and he was actually walking around and talking to customers and showing them different things on sale in the meat case, freezer sections, and deli. Very helpful, and a very good salesman, I fell for it and bought the chicken too.
I was ready to blog last night but didn’t because I logged onto Facebook to find out a friend died a couple of weeks ago. A friend who I really had considered (don’t ignore it when “something” tells you to go) last month driving the 4 hours to go visit after not seeing him for 18 years Then this morning while walking my dog, I realized that last night the story wasn’t complete until after what happened today.
I was just getting ready to go to bed but I didn’t want to forget what I had been thinking about all day. You say, if you’ve been thinking about it all day how could you forget it by tomorrow….? Welcome to my world. A little 7 hour nap and….poof, all gone. Sleep does that. It erases unnecessary information to make room for important things.
I have a folder on my computer labeled “website” that has photos in it I feel like I could write a million stories about. Most are pretty sunsets, desert landscapes, beaches, bridges (because I love them), nature stuff, and cute little kids. Just a few days ago when browsing the folder I chose a photo rather than a daily event to blog about. However, I noticed a photo of myself in black and white, and wondered, why would I save that sad picture to this folder for my website for encouraging, daily life lessons and “happy stuff”. When would I ever use that picture? Well, here it is.
Some days I blog about the painful, funny, important lessons I learn each day, but today I just wanted to look through my pictures. Pictures that when I look at them make me feel something. Pictures that remind me of exactly how I felt at the moment I took the picture. I love taking pictures. I love weddings. I love taking pictures at weddings.