Left Behind
I was ready to blog last night but didn’t because I logged onto Facebook to find out a friend died a couple of weeks ago. A friend who I really had considered (don’t ignore it when “something” tells you to go) last month driving the 4 hours to go visit after not seeing him for 18 years Then this morning while walking my dog, I realized that last night the story wasn’t complete until after what happened today. Originally I was going to blog about walking around the school, walking the dog, and being upset by the amount of people that don’t scoop their dog poop. My husband thinks there is a special place in hell for those people, I think I just don’t get it. By no means is this a rant nor does it require comments about the horrible problem that it is, but I just couldn’t help wanting to try and figure it out. I thought some of it has been there for weeks not even washed away by afternoon monsoon rains and barely noticeable to a passing by nosey dog like mine. Some of it was obviously only 10 minutes old and if I could see them I would gladly hand them a bag. But seriously. All the way around the elementary school on each side, each sidewalk, each side of the sidewalks; there it is. All different sizes and shapes so it is obviously more than one offender. Do people not realize the risk to health and safety, do they not understand the responsibility of pet ownership, are they just lazy, or do they not know that there is actually a law they are breaking? Or, in my recovery, “I have to understand everything” mind, is there more to it? A lesson for me? The wake of destruction I leave behind, the unpleasant, unforgiven, pile of poop. That is how my Higher Power, God, speaks to me. In pictures. In repeated, over and over, “do you get it yet, how many times do I have to show you” pictures. Yesterday morning walking around the school in my low rent “hood” as I fondly call it I saw lots of piles. Today, while taking the luxury of no time constraints on a Saturday morning, I crossed the line (it’s an imaginary zip code line) to the other side and walked around the high school. The high tuition, very nice, private high school in the $30,000 more for the same piece of land neighborhood because of that line. After turning the second corner, I realized I had seen no poop. WOAH! Now my mind is really thinking about it. Is it because they are richer? Is it they respect the property because there is a religious symbol in front of it? Is it that the people in the neighborhood live there and don’t rent? Is it because….? I could go on, and I actually did around the next 2 corners and started heading back home. Then it came to me; maybe it is because the people on “this side of the tracks” have seen the benefits of cleaning up their past. Cleaning up the messes they have left behind. Asking for forgiveness or offering it when it is not deserved. Maybe that is how they got to be on “that side of the line”.
I will never forget near the end of my life of daily destruction of drugs, drinking, and dangerous lifestyle my dear friend (who I just found out last night past away) came to my door. He offered an apology, for what I wasn’t sure, he asked me to forgive him for any things that had upset me, again I couldn’t think of any, and lastly he said “I hope you are okay and if I ever needed him to call”. I invited him in. He looked down at the step into my apartment, that line. He knew if he crossed it he would walk back into the darkness he obviously had escaped. He looked at me and looked at the step again. He never came in. After I got clean I realized he was making amends. He was cleaning up anything he had left behind. Every day that I walk my pup, with her fluffy little tail, that looks like my fluffy little pony tail, I will think about what we are leaving behind. Like yesterday my horn honking at the guy who was stopping for a yield sign. Really? Did I have to honk my horn? At the next light I pulled up next to him and smiled and waved and did it again at the next red light; smiled and waved. I didn’t want my impatience leaving a pile of poop in someone else’s day. That one was easy, but there are others that I need to look at and take action. Harder more serious ones with no expectation that they will be impressed or even accepting. I always forget the benefits of cleaning up my side of the street, taking responsibility. No matter what anyone else does, I feel better. No regrets, nothing left behind.